men's mental health awareness series 23

There’s No One Way to Be a Man

Jun 28, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

One of the biggest mistakes a man can make is letting someone else define manhood for him.

For years, men have been handed conflicting blueprints: “Be assertive but gentle,” “Be strong but vulnerable,” “Don’t cry, but be emotionally available,” “Provide, but don’t work too much,” “Lead, but don’t dominate.” We’re told how to dress, how to walk, how to speak, how to love. And in recent years, that noise has only gotten louder—especially from male influencers who have built entire empires out of telling other men how to behave.

On the other side of the spectrum are women who, sometimes, with good intentions, have their own versions of what a “real man” should be—sensitive but not too soft, decisive but not controlling, firm but gentle, and successful but not boastful.

The message is clear: no matter what you do, someone will think you’re doing manhood wrong.

But here’s a plain and unpolished truth that may it sit well with many; there is no universal “how to be a man.”

There’s only you, trying to become a better version of yourself.

At some point, if not now, you must realise that the metrics others use to define your worth don’t belong to you. You must understand that are not here to be a trend, fit into templates, or become a carbon copy of some online “alpha male.”

You are not a failed man because you don’t tick every box society created.

I'm not a perfect man. No one is. But what sets me apart is the realisation of who I am, what I believe in, and intentional efforts to be a better version of myself. That's what matters, brothers.

What should truly matter, to you, is your personal growth, self-awareness, and ability to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m proud of the man I’m becoming.”

So shut the noise out!

Mute those men who leave you feeling inadequate.

Refuse to fit into the moulds women make for you.

Stop internalising everyone else’s expectations.

Begin the quiet, radical work of defining yourself, for yourself.

How? It's simple.

Be kind.

Be strong.

Be honest.

Be flawed.

Be learning.

Be evolving.