men's mental health awareness series 16

When men become the therapist friend

Jun 22, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

Have you noticed a certain unspoken role many men quietly step into?

You haven't? I'll tell you about it.

It’s the role of the one who listens, offers advice, and helps others untangle their emotional knots. I call it “the therapist friend.” They are the ones people confide in, rely on, turn to when their world unravels. At first glance, it seems like a badge of honour. And in many ways, it is. But underneath it, there is often something else: exhaustion, isolation, and the quiet ache of never being on the receiving end.

Many men are socialised to be dependable before they’re allowed to be vulnerable and in need of dependence.

Before they become men, boys are taught to be the rock, an anchor, and that unshaken one. So they listen, offer solutions, and carry emotional loads without complaint.

But who carries theirs? Who carries yours?

No one, bro. Nobody!

Being everyone’s sounding board can be deeply lonely when your own voice never finds room to speak.

I have seen many men become experts at helping others unpack their pain while never—fully—addressing theirs. And they do this, not because they don't want to, but because they don't know or don't feel they have permission.

Emotional labour is still labour, you know. And the constant expectation that men should be emotionally available for others but keep their own struggles buried deep is unsustainable.

If you are the therapist friend, I wrote this for you to remind you that your worth is not tied to your ability to fix others.

Yes, you deserve spaces where you can break down without being seen as broken.

You need someone who asks how you’re really doing, waits for the honest answer, and offers sufficient help in words and deeds.

You are not selfish for needing support. You are human. Remember that.

— Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ