men's mental health awareness series 4
"Man Enough” is a performance of masculinity
Dearest Gentle Reader,
What does it mean to be “man enough”?
Most people never define it directly, yet the idea hangs over the heads of many men like a silent code they are expected to follow without question.
“Be man enough to do something” is an idiom used vehemently, showcasing men to be brave, gritty, and always in control. There is a template perfectly caricatured in which we men have to fit ourselves in.
“Never burnout.”
“Take the pressure on.”
“Never shed tears.”
“Always be the breadwinner, and sacrifice for your family…”
Those, and many more, are some of the sentiments men carry as a part of the “man enough” template. And we do that all our lives.
From early childhood, boys are praised for being tough, punished for being too soft, and applauded for keeping emotions hidden.
The result is disheartening. Here are just a few:
Crying becomes a source of shame.
Needing comfort becomes a sign of weakness.
Vulnerability becomes an aberration.
Expressing fear, loneliness, or sadness becomes something to avoid at all costs.
This quiet conditioning continues for years until many boys grow into men who have learned to perform masculinity rather than experience life as their full, emotional selves.
This performance is not harmless. It becomes a lifelong script that men feel obligated to act out, even when it does not serve them.
That need to appear in control, to be stoic, and to succeed without showing strain creates an emotional cage that keeps men locked in dark crevices.
Men internalise the belief that their value is measured by how well they can suppress vulnerability and how convincingly they can present strength. So, when life inevitably becomes overwhelming or uncertain, they do not reach out. They double down. They work harder. They isolate. They pretend.
But strength without softness is brittle, brothers. Seriously.
You can only suppress so much for so long before something breaks.
What often gets overlooked, sadly, is that many men are not choosing this mask—they are surviving behind it.
Men are holding together careers, relationships, families, and personal responsibilities, all while trying to meet impossible standards.
They are afraid that if they let even a little emotion show, it will flood out uncontrollably.
They fear losing respect, losing dignity, losing the only identity they have ever been affirmed for.
But, brother, masculinity is not a performance. It shouldn't be.
Masculinity is not about ticking boxes or fitting into roles society imposed in you.
Being “man enough” should never mean disowning your humanity.
True strength includes tenderness. Be kind to yourself, first.
True power includes self-awareness. This can't be overemphasized.
True masculinity is not dominance or emotional control. Nope! It’s authenticity, responsibility, and self-knowledge.
—Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ
Read Issue 1: Why Don't Men Cry?
Read Issue 2: Tough Doesn't Mean Numb
Read Issue 3: The Armour Called “I'm Fine”
God bless you.