men's mental health awareness series 8
They say it's competence, yet the man is functioning but fading
Dearest Gentle Reader,
There is a certain kind of man who impresses everyone around him.
He is reliable, punctual, competent, and outwardly composed.
He meets deadlines, solves problems, and never complains.
But beneath this well-polished exterior, something is slipping.
He is not falling apart in obvious ways.
He is not causing drama or asking for help.
He is simply fading—slowly, silently, and almost imperceptibly.
This is the mask of competence, and it is one of the most dangerous roles a man can play. Because the performance is so convincing, few people think to ask how he is really doing. And because he has been praised for being self-sufficient, he believes he must continue to be so, no matter how tired or isolated he feels. The mask becomes a prison. The better he functions, the harder it becomes to stop pretending.
This slow erosion affects every part of a man’s life.
Emotionally, he becomes numb.
Spiritually, he feels disconnected.
Physically, he may begin to show signs of stress or fatigue, but he brushes them off as part of the job.
He tells himself that he’s just in a rough patch. He believes things will settle soon. He thinks he has no right to complain when others have it worse. But deep down, he knows something is wrong—he just doesn’t know how to name it or what to do about it.
Men who wear this mask of competence need more than praise for being strong.
They need permission to be seen.
They need relationships where they can let the mask drop, even briefly, and say, “I am not okay.” Because no one should have to earn the right to be cared for.
Dear men, you do not need to be broken to deserve support. You only need to be honest. And that honesty begins with removing the mask.
Please, remove the mask.
Ask for help.
I assure you, no one will consider you weak.
And even if some idiot thinks or say you're weak, because you asked for help, just ignore ‘em. Idiots shouldn't dictate the outlook of your life. Should they?
Now, take off that goddamn mask, bro!
— Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ
Read Issue 1: Why Don't Men Cry?
Read Issue 2: Tough Doesn't Mean Numb
Read Issue 3: The Armour Called “I'm Fine”
Read Issue 4: "Man Enough” is a Performance of Masculinity
Read Issue 5: When Boys Become Men Without Becoming Whole
Read Issue 6: The Loneliness Epidemic
Read Issue 7: Perfectionism: the myth of never enough