men's mental health awareness series 13

Men should build friendship beyond banter

Jun 18, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

So many male friendships are built around banter, shared interests, or activities that provide distraction but not necessarily depth. Men will watch football together, play games, talk about work or women or politics, and laugh for hours—yet never truly speak about what they’re going through emotionally. The friendships feel strong on the surface, but underneath, there’s often a void where vulnerability should live.

This isn’t to say that banter is bad. Nah! It isn't.

Shared laughter is beautiful. But it becomes a problem when that is all there is.

It's sad that one man is drowning in silence and no one notices because everything always seems light-hearted on the outside.

Men need friendships that hold space for their fears, dreams, regrets, and pain. They need friends who check in, ask deeper questions, and listen without needing to fix or joke it away.

The reluctance to open up, even among close friends, is deeply rooted in fear—fear of seeming weak, fear of burdening others, fear of being mocked or misunderstood. But in every man’s heart, there is a longing to be known beyond the performance. There's a desire to be understood without explanation, and to be seen in the mess, not just the mask.

But men rarely pay attention to such things.

Building emotionally nourishing friendships requires attention and intention.

It requires being the friend who goes first, who asks, “How are you, really?” and stays for the answer.

It means risking a little discomfort in order to build trust, and it means letting others do the same for you.

As a man, you deserve friendships that don’t just entertain you but also hold you.

You deserve people who can sit with your silence and not panic. The kind of friends who notice when your smile doesn’t reach your eyes and care enough to ask why are are the kind of friends you should nurture.

If you’re lucky enough to have one or two of those, cherish them, bro.

If you don’t, know that it’s never too late to start becoming that kind of friend for yourself and for others.

— Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ