men's mental health awareness series 12

Pressure to provide, and the quiet shame of falling short

Jun 16, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

We rarely talk about the deep anxiety many men feel around money, especially in terms of what having it signifies.

For many men, the ability to provide is not just a responsibility, it is tightly interwoven with their sense of identity, self-worth, and manhood. When they feel they are not earning enough, or when financial struggles loom larger than hope, they feel both stressed and ashamed.

This pressure is so embedded in our cultural and familial expectations that it often goes unquestioned. A man who cannot provide is often made to feel like he is failing at life, even if he is giving everything he has. We see this in the quiet panic behind job applications, in the sleepless nights where bills outnumber solutions, and also in the silences men hold because they do not want to admit they’re struggling. Vulnerability about money is still seen as weakness, even though most men have wrestled with that fear at one point or another.

And what does this shame do?

It isolates.

It pushes men to hide, pretend, overwork, or to shut down emotionally.

It fuels dangerous coping mechanisms and mental health declines that go unnoticed until they are severe.

It creates a silent battlefield in the minds of men who are simply trying to survive.

But, men need to know that it is okay to admit that things are hard. It is not a failure to ask for financial help, or (to rephrase), to say, “I need support.”

A man’s value is not determined by his bank balance or the number of people who rely on him. His worth is in his felt presence, inspiring character, genuine care, and his willingness to keep showing up even when the world feels too heavy.

We need to break the association between masculinity and constant provision. The ability to provide is admirable, yes, but it is not the only thing that defines you, man!

When you feel like you are falling short, remember these:

You are allowed to take a breath.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to be human.

Also, remember you are not a failure for struggling. You are not alone in this fight. And you are doing far better than you think.

— Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ