Dearest Gentle Reader,
There’s a scene I keep replaying in my mind:
Two men at a bus park, one reaches out to hug the other. But midway, he hesitates. Settles for a slap on the back. Quick laugh. Mask back on. Life continues.
We see it every day.
We see the deflection, the swallowed warmth, and that invisible line that says, this is close enough.
But why?
Why is platonic male affection so rare… so clumsy… so shrouded in suspicion?
For centuries, masculinity has been policed by a narrow script: Be strong. Be hard. Be distant. Don’t need anyone, don’t hold too long, don’t talk too deep.
To show affection without sexual undertone or look another man in the eye and say “I love you, bro” without flinching is radical. Abnormal. Weird.
And yet, that kind of affection is medicine. It says: “You are safe here. You don’t have to perform. I’ve got room for the real you.”
The tragedy is that many men go years—a lifetime even—without ever hearing it. Many go decades without receiving touch that isn’t transactional, or being held outside of romance or emergency.
But affection is not weakness. Is it? Why is it considered weakness in men?
Affection is the language of recognition.
It is how humans say: You matter to me. I honour your presence in my life. I will not let this world isolate you into stoic silence.
When we withhold affection out of fear or condemnation by skewed societal standards, we rob ourselves and each other of something sacred.
But when we give it freely and unapologetically, we build bridges back to our own humanity.
To the man reading this, ask yourself:
When last did I say “I love you” to a male friend, and mean it?
When last did I initiate a hug that wasn’t laced with awkwardness?
When last did I let myself receive tenderness without suspicion?
This is how we start to heal.
We solve this anomaly by reclaiming the unspoken, and letting love—non-romantic, unapologetic, deeply platonic love—have space in our brotherhoods.
So, next time your guy does something kind, hold the gratitude a bit longer. Say the words. Don’t rush past the moment like you don't feel a thing.
And maybe, just maybe, lean in for the hug.
Let it linger.
—Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ
Read Issue 1: Why Don't Men Cry?
Read Issue 2: Tough Doesn't Mean Numb
Read Issue 3: The Armour Called “I'm Fine”
Read Issue 4: "Man Enough” is a Performance of Masculinity
Read Issue 5: When Boys Become Men Without Becoming Whole
Read Issue 6: The Loneliness Epidemic
Read Issue 7: Perfectionism: The Myth Of Never Enough
Read Issue 8: They Say It's Competence, Yet The Man Is Functioning But Fading
Read Issue 9: For Most Men, Hustle Is Self-escape
Read Issue 10: Why Support Often Comes Too Late
Read Issue 11: Fatherhood And Emotional Distance
Read Issue 12: Pressure to Provide, and the Quiet Shame of Falling Short
Read Issue 13: Men should build friendship beyond banter
Read Issue 14: Why Men Only Get Their Flowers When They're Dead
Read Issue 15: Why Some Men Fear Intimacy (But Crave It Deeply)
Read Issue 16: When Men Become The Therapist Friend
Read Issue 17: How Friendships Save (or Starve) a Man’s Soul
I have few close male friends, and I care deeply about them, but then I don't let them know that I care deeply about them, because we are not supposed to say that to another man😂