men's mental health awareness series 20

Why many men struggle with asking for help

Jun 24, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

“I need help.”

That’s a simple sentence. Three words.
And yet, it gets stuck in so many men’s throats, not because they don’t need help.
But because they’ve been taught it’s a failure to ask.

From childhood, boys are handed scripts soaked in self-sufficiency. They are told to:

Fix it.

Figure it out.

Man up.

Push through.

Handle it.

Be strong.

Be silent.

Just do it.

Don’t break.

Don’t cry.

Don’t ever say you’re lost, confused, scared, or tired.

And so, many grow into men who are drowning with their mouths closed.

A man will watch his world burn before he admits he doesn’t know how to stop the fire. He’ll carry grief in his spine, smile through heartbreak, walk into battle with a bullet in his soul—and call it “strength.”

But here’s the truth, gentle reader:

Strength is not suffering in silence.
Strength is knowing when to surrender the illusion of control.
Strength is asking for help—even when your pride is screaming.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise; it means you’re aware of your limits, you honour your own healing and that you know you’re human.

And I get it—help hasn’t always been safe.
Some men asked for help and were mocked, dismissed, betrayed or told they were overreacting. Or even met with, “So what do you want me to do about it?”
That kind of pain teaches you to keep quiet and never reach out again.

But silence has never saved anyone. We die quietly while pretending we’re fine loudly.

So let me say this clearly:

If you’re a man reading this and you’re tired—of pretending, performing, and always being the strong one—this is your permission to let go.

Tell your friend, “I’m not okay.”

Tell your partner, “I don’t have the answers.”

Tell your therapist, “I don’t know where to begin.”

Tell yourself, “It’s time to stop carrying it all.”

You deserve support, softness, and the space to fall apart without fear.

—Jaachịmmà Anyatọnwụ