men's mental health awareness series 25

A Self-Check Letter About The Man I'm Becoming

Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ

Jun 30, 2025

Dearest Gentle Reader,

If I could sit across from the man I’m becoming, I’d ask him a few questions.

Who are you when no one’s watching?

What do you believe in when the lights go out?

When things fall apart, do you run, or do you stay and feel?

You see, we rarely pause to check in with ourselves. Life is loud. Expectations are louder. And in the noise, a man can forget that growth more about what he's becoming than it is about what he’s achieving.

So today, I invite you to write your own self-check letter. Have a moment of honesty with the person you are, and the person you’re becoming.

Are you becoming softer, or harder?

Are you more open, or more guarded?

Are your relationships more honest, or more performative?

Do you still dream, or have you settled into survival mode?

Are you proud of the way you treat people when no one's clapping?

These questions matter, bro. Why? No amount of success, strength, or stoicism will save a man who has lost touch with himself.

Becoming a better man isn’t a single event. It’s not a quote on the wall of your workspace or a TED Talk you watched once. It’s in the small, daily choices.

Yes, it's in how you speak to your partner, how you apologise for wrong deeds and words, how you show up for your family and friends, how you sit with your pain instead of masking it.

You become a better version of yourself by unlearning what broke you, and relearning what builds you.

I often ask myself: If the boy I once was could see the man I am now, would he be afraid of me? Or inspired?

Becoming is not easy. It will cost you your comfort and even expose your shadows. But it will also free you and teach you how to be a man you can live with.

The man I’m becoming is honest. He’s gentle with himself. He’s not afraid to start over. He doesn’t need to be perfect. He just needs to keep growing.

You too can be such a man.

—Jaachịmmá Anyatọnwụ